ALL SAINTS PARISH
MARRIAGE GUIDELINES
I. PREPARATION
SPIRITUAL PREPARATION
As individuals and as a couple, you will want to take the time to become spiritually prepared for the two of you to become one. Believers in Jesus are persons of prayer. During this time of preparation, you will want to grow in your prayer life not only as individuals, but also together as a couple. Learning to pray together will help you to grow in love, forgiveness and fidelity. It will also help you in becoming a sacrament and sign of God's love to others.
Your parish community encourages you...
• to learn to and continue to pray alone and as a couple
• to celebrate Sunday Mass together whenever possible
• to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation before the day of your marriage
• to select the Scripture readings to be proclaimed during your marriage ceremony
• to begin and end the rehearsal before your marriage with a prayer
FOCCUS
FOCCUS is an evaluative instrument used throughout the Archdiocese of Dubuque. FOCCUS stands for "Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding & Study." It assists you as a couple in looking at the strengths and weaknesses you will bring to your future marriage. It can be one of the most helpful tools you will have in preparing for marriage.
The FOCCUS will be given to you by the priest or deacon assisting in your marriage preparation or by the Coordinator of Parish Services. If possible, it should be done prior to attending one of the pre-marriage preparation programs.
MARRIAGE PREPARATION PROGRAMS
To help you prepare for marriage the Archdiocese of Dubuque offers a number of programs for you to choose from in addition to the time spent with the priest or deacon. You must attend one of these programs before your marriage preparation is complete.
• PRE-CANA CONFERENCE
Pre-Cana is a traditional workshop in which a team of presenters cover a variety of topics designed to help you as a couple to experience the realities of marriage. The workshop is held on a Saturday evening and the following Sunday afternoon.
• SPONSOR COUPLE
The sponsor couple program is a program where you would meet with a specially-trained married couple to discuss a wide variety of topics. This couple-to couple process allows you to meet with a couple privately to discuss those issues of concern to you. The meetings usually run for five sessions, each session lasting two hours. These sessions are usually held in the Sponsor Couple's home. The times and the dates are arranged between you and the couple.
• ENGAGED ENCOUNTER
Engaged Encounter is a weekend retreat experience that emphasizes couple dialogue and couple spirituality. By sharing their lived experiences, the presenting team leads you as a couple in reflection and dialogue on a series of topics designed to assist you in developing a greater appreciation and understanding of yourselves as a couple.
• MARRYING & TRUSTING TOGETHER
Marrying & Trusting Together is a weekend retreat experience for couples who have previously been married and are free to enter into a sacramental marriage in the Church.
The priest or deacon assisting with your marriage preparation can give you further information as to scheduling, registration and costs.
REQUIRED DOCUMENTS
A number of documents and forms are required for a Catholic marriage. These documents are a part of the symbolic ritual in which a couple give evidence of their faith, their membership in the church, their freedom to marry, and their openness to God's invitation for children.
Working with the priest or deacon assisting you with your marriage preparation, the following list of documents will be compiled:
• Baptismal Certificates. These must be issued from the parish of baptism within the last six months.
• Form 1: The Pre-Marriage Questionnaire
• Form 2: The Affidavit Concerning Freedom to Marry (if applicable)
• Form 3 /4 : Permission and Delegation /Dispensation granted by the priest (if applicable)
• Sponsor Couple, Pre-Cana, Engaged Encounter or Marrying & Trusting Together Certificate
• FOCCUS Form
• Liturgy Planning Sheet with written reflections on the scripture readings chosen
• Civil Marriage License: You may obtain your marriage license from the Linn County Courthouse. A witness must accompany applicants to identify each of you. There is a three-day waiting period before the license can be picked up. Licenses expire after six months. The license should be brought to your rehearsal. Under Iowa law and civil penalty, a priest or deacon cannot witness a marriage without this license.
II. THE MARRIAGE LITURGY
THE RITE
The celebration of marriage between two Catholics normally should be within the Mass. If a priest is unavailable, the marriage may be celebrated outside of Mass with a deacon.
In a marriage between a Catholic and a baptized person who is not Catholic, the Rite for Celebrating Marriage may be with in a Mass or without. Either a priest or deacon will witness the marriage depending on scheduling.
In a marriage between a Catholic and an unbaptized person, the Rite for Celebrating Marriage Between A Catholic and An Unbaptized Person is used. Again, either a priest or deacon will witness the marriage depending on scheduling.
THE MINISTERS
The ministers of the Sacrament of Marriage are the man and the woman entering into this covenant relationship. The priest or deacon present at the marriage liturgy is the official witness for the broader Church community of the commitment being made.
T he priest or deacon will schedule the ceremony date. Whether it is the priest or deacon may depend on if you want to have your marriage celebrated within a Mass or in a separate ceremony outside of Mass. To some extent this is also dictated by the availability of a priest or deacon. The priest or deacon will then work with you during the marriage preparation time.
If you have a friend or family member who is a priest or deacon and you would like to have him witness your marriage vows, please speak to the parish priest or deacon working with you.
In an interfaith marriage, the minister of the non-Catholic party is welcome to participate in a special way if you wish.
WITNESSES
In addition to the priest or deacon, two witnesses are required by the state and by the church. The Church requires that the two witnesses have the use of reason and be capable of comprehending what is happening in the exchange of consent. Therefore, those who are incapable of comprehending, even temporarily may not be witnesses. The State of Iowa requires that at least one witness be 18 years of age or older.
Otherwise, there are few restrictions on the selection of witnesses. While usually lay persons, clergy and religious may act as witnesses. They need not be Catholic or even baptized, since their sole function is to attest to the fact that the marriage took place.
THE ASSEMBLY
Your family and friends who have gathered share an important role in the liturgical celebration of your marriage as witnesses for the community. Your "community" should be invited to participate as fully as they like by praying and singing if they are comfortable doing so. A program with the music and responses included are a wonderful way of helping them be a part of your marriage ceremony.
LECTORS
In choosing the lectors or readers, it is important to remember that the persons selected are chosen to "proclaim God's word." The lectors should not only be accustomed to speaking before large groups of people but should also be prepared on the role of the lector in worship. Those chosen to be lectors should be high-school age or older.
The lectors should be given a copy of the Scripture readings you have selected so they will have ample time to prepare. Check that the copy you provide them is the same translation as that which they will read on the day of the ceremony.
The lectors should be present at the rehearsal so that they can practice moving from the seat to the lectern, using the microphone, and other practical matters so that they are comfortable in their role and can concentrate on proclaiming God's word.
EUCHARISTIC MINISTERS
If your marriage will be celebrated within a Mass, you may ask family or friends to serve as Eucharistic Ministers. They must be trained and commissioned in their home parish. Please speak to the priest who is assisting you in your marriage preparation. If you would like to have the parish arrange for Eucharistic ministers, please speak to the priest. The priest or deacon will explain communion protocol during the ceremony.
ALTAR SERVERS
Altar servers are only needed if your marriage will be celebrated within a Mass. Only one server is necessary. The couple may provide the server(s) from among family or friends. If you do not have a server, please notify the priest who will provide one from the parish.
The altar server(s) should be present at the rehearsal particularly if they are not from the parish. On the day of the wedding, the server should be present 30 minutes before the ceremony. The priest will instruct the servers on their duties.
III. MUSIC
ROLE OF MUSIC IN THE MARRIAGE CELEBRATION
The use of music in your marriage celebration will enhance the beauty. As a sacramental celebration, the marriage rite is a liturgical event - a worship service. We use the model of our Sunday parish liturgy as a guide for planning the use of music in the marriage rite.
MUSIC DIRECTOR
At least three months before your marriage date, please contact the Music Director of All Saints (363-6130). This should be done before contacting other musicians. The Music Director will work with you to help you select music which is appropriate for the liturgy and which suits the atmosphere you wish to create. Approval of your music selections and musicians rests with the Music Director and finally with the priest/deacon.
SELECTION OF MUSIC
The songs which you choose should incorporate these themes:
• God's love for us
• Our love for God and for the people in our lives
• The presence of Jesus in every Christian marriage
The songs chosen should consider those who will be present so that they can be invited to join in the singing where appropriate. If there will be non-Catholics present, choose music that can include them.
The music selected should not overpower the marriage rite itself. Try for a balance - there can be too much music. The length of a music selection should match the action of the liturgy. For example, if the presentation of the gifts will only take a minute, it is better not to choose music which will take four minutes. Again, the Music Director will be a great help to you.
SELECTION OF MUSICIANS
The person(s) selected to be your cantoring/song leader should be someone who is comfortable and gifted in inviting others to join in singing. The Music Director will suggest people if you do not have someone in mind. Similarly, the Music Director can recommend instrumentalists to you or fill this role for you if you desire.
FORMAT FOR THE RITE OF MARRIAGE OUTSIDE OF MASS
ENTRANCE RITES
Prelude(s) Instrumental/Solo
Processional(s) Instrumental
Gathering Song (Optional)
Opening Prayer
LITURGY OF THE WORD
First Reading
Responsorial Psalm Assembly
(Recited or sung if have cantor)
Second Reading(Optional)
Gospel Acclamation Assembly
(Recited or sung if have cantor)
Gospel
Homily
RITE OF MARRIAGE
Consent
Exchange of Vows
Blessing and Exchange of Rings
Lighting Unity Candle (Optional) Instrumental/Solo
GENERAL INTERCESSIONS & NUPTIAL BLESSINGS
Prayer of the Faithful
Nuptial Blessing
Lord's Prayer Assembly
CONCLUSION OF THE CELEBRATION
Flower to Blessed Virgin Mary (Optional)
Blessing and Dismissal
Recessional Assembly/Instrumental
Postlude(s) Instrumental/Solo
FORMAT FOR THE RITE OF MARRIAGE WITHIN A MASS
ENTRANCE RITES
Prelude(s) Instrumental/Solo
Processional(s) Instrumental
Gathering Song (Optional) Assembly
Penitential Rite
Opening Prayer
LITURGY OF THE WORD
First Reading
Responsorial Psalm Assembly
(Recited or sung if have cantor)
Second Reading(Optional)
Gospel Acclamation Assembly
(Recited or sung if have cantor)
Gospel
Homily
RITE OF MARRIAGE
Consent
Exchange of Vows
Blessing and Exchange of Rings
Lighting Unity Candle (Optional) Instrumental/Solo
Prayers of the Faithful
LITURGY OF THE EUCHARIST
Preparation of the altar and gifts Instrumental/Assembly/Solo
Eucharistic Prayer
Holy, Holy Assembly
Memorial Acclamation Assembly
Great Amen Assembly
RITE OF COMMUNION
Lord's Prayer Assembly
Nuptial Blessing
Sign of Peace Instrumental/Solo
Lamb of God (Optional) Assembly/Recited
Communion Song Assembly
Prayer after Communion
RITE OF COMMISSIONING
Flower to Blessed Virgin Mary (Optional)
Blessing and Dismissal
Recessional Assembly/Instrumental
Postlude(s) Instrumental/Solo
IV. THE PLACE
THE PLACE
Because we believe that the marriage covenant is the free commitment that a man and a woman make before God and the People of God, the only place in which a marriage may be celebrated in the Archdiocese of Dubuque is a parish church.
If you wish to marry in a church other than the Catholic parish church of either the bride or groom, please consult with the priest or deacon preparing you for marriage.
THE DATE
The date and time of your marriage can be arranged by calling the Pastor at the All Saints (363-6130). Dates are reserved on a first-come, first-served basis. We prefer to schedule one marriage ceremony per day to avoid timing conflicts.
Marriages may be celebrated on weekdays or Saturdays. Marriages are not celebrated on Sundays or during Holy Week. Unless there is a grave reason, marriages are discouraged during Advent and Lent.
THE TIME
Marriages may be celebrated at most times on weekdays. At All Saints marriage celebrations can begin no later than 1:30 PM on Saturdays so that they do not interfere with Reconciliation at 3:00 PM and the celebration of Sunday liturgy at 4:00 PM.
Should there be a marriage and a rehearsal scheduled for the same day, the Pastor or Parish Secretary will notify the Saturday wedding party of the conflict. The rehearsal will need to be scheduled on another day or two hours prior to the Friday evening marriage celebration or one hour after the completion of the Friday evening celebration.
Should there be a funeral the day of your wedding, the Pastor or Parish Secretary will contact you. Musicians, florists, funeral directors and photographers are used to dealing with these situations.
All wedding activities including clean up must be completed one hour before the Saturday Evening Mass.
ENVIRONMENT
Consideration of how you decorate the Church can enhance your wedding day and provide an appropriate background for your marriage liturgy. At All Saints, simplicity works well especially with the beauty of the stained glass windows and natural lighting. The sparing use of greenery, flowers and candles can add just the right touch.
Mobility and visibility are important ingredients of good liturgy. Please consult with the priest or deacon working with you before positioning your plants, candle holders and candelabras.
You must use the environment (banner colors) planned for the seasons.
You may wish to consider the problem of tripping over an aisle runner before you make your decision regarding the use of one. The aisles are carpeted so the dresses should not be dirtied.
CANDLES
All Saints has six liturgical candles which can be used and decorated with greenery or flowers. Please mention that you wish to use them to the priest or deacon preparing you for marriage so that they can be brought out.
You may wish to use additional candles. If you do so, the candles must be dripless and must be placed in a protected holder to protect against fire and carpet spills. A plastic covering should be on the floor under the candles. No candles or flowers are to be placed on the altar itself. You may place them around the altar. No candles may be carried in procession unless they are battery operated .
If you wish to use a unity candle (which you must purchase) , it must be placed on a separate table, not the altar. The table may be placed in front of the altar or to the left of the altar on the same level as the lectern. Please ask your florist to provide a plastic cloth for the table.
PHOTOGRAPHY
Photographing or video taping the marriage ceremony can enhance the remembering and renewing of your marriage commitment. The primary focus of the couple and the assembled community is participation in worship. To assure this, please have your photographer contact the priest or deacon before the marriage ceremony begins so this does not detract from the dignity of worship. Photos must be taken before the wedding ceremony.
Guests should be discouraged from taking pictures during the ceremony.
DECORUM
Because the church building is sacred space, you will want to maintain proper decorum. Some tips for you and your guests:
• Remember to maintain reverence for the Eucharist reserved in the tabernacle at all times.
• No alcohol is permitted on the church grounds or any of its buildings.
• No smoking is permitted in the church or school buildings.
• No rice, bird seed, confetti or flower petals may be used.
• Pew hangars may be used if you wish to use pew markers or decorations. However, please do not tape or wire on the pews or walls of the church building.
• Please do not park in the driveway to the west of the church building. This blocks entrance to the handicapped parking and the rectory garage.
SET-UP AND CLEAN-UP
Please assign someone the responsibility for set-up and clean-up. The set-up of the liturgical environment is the responsibility of the priest or deacon witnessing your marriage. However, he could use the help of your people in moving some of the furniture. All other set-up and clean-up is the responsibility of the wedding party. Clean-up means returning the church building (including the sanctuary, entrance, basement restrooms and the basement meeting area - especially if you brought in food) to its proper conditions. Please dispose of all boxes, paper and other discarded materials in the dumpster next to the school. Please help the priest or deacon return furniture and candle holders to their proper places. If additional candles have been used, please clean up any wax spilled on the carpets.
V. EXPENSES
In response to questions often asked with regard to donations, fees and stipends, we provide the following guidelines as suggestions:
• PARISH:
The suggested donation is $200 for parishioners and $300 for non-parishioners.
• PRIEST OR DEACON:
A gift of your choosing.
• MUSICIANS:
Most musicians have set fees. These should be discussed at the time that you make your arrangements.
• ALTAR SERVERS:
If the altar servers are provided by the parish, the customary donation is $10 for each server. If you are providing the servers, the gift is of your choosing.
You might wish to take care of these donations at the rehearsal. It will eliminate one more detail to worry about on the day of your marriage.
Updated August 2005